Self Introduction
Dear Mr Brad Blackstone,
Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you.
My name is Puileng Toh. I am currently pursuing my bachelor degree in telematics
at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic
with a diploma in Network System and Security. During my course of study, I have
learnt about implementation of wired and wireless network and securing network
devices. I am specialized in the area of network architecture. Even though my
diploma is not relevant to telematics, it does not bother me from obtaining a telematics
degree in SIT.
Secondly, I would like to share one of my strength and weakness in
communication skills.
After I graduated from polytechnic, I took a one year break and got a full
time job. I worked as a data processor in a bank and my job is to collect
data from various department and record down to the system. There are certain
times when I need to engage phone calls with my colleagues to gather
information. It is important to pay attention to the speaker and allow the
speaker to convey their messages successfully. Therefore, I believe that I have
developed more on my verbal communication skills. On the other hand, my major
weakness is my writing skills. There will be grammatical error and run on
sentences in my essay writing. I would like to make the essay interesting and but I am not too sure how to do most of the time.
Through this module, I hope that I can improve on my writing skills by being
able to identify and correct mistakes. I
would also like to build up on my presentation skills as it has been a long
time since I presented to a large group of people.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to our upcoming classes.
Best regards,
Puileng Toh
Edited:
29 Sep 2017
Read and Commented:
1. Terence
2. Yong Sheng
Read and Commented:
1. Terence
2. Yong Sheng
Hi Pui Leng,
ReplyDeleteOn the overall, I find the content of your formal letter comprehensive, yet brief and it enable the reader to comprehend the content comfortably.
Cheers,
Yong Sheng
Dear Yong Sheng,
DeleteThank you for reading ! :)
Best Regards,
Pui Leng
Dear Pui Leng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly detailed self intro. You cover the key topic areas and provide examples in your discussion of a communication strength and weakness, though these are not always clear due to some problematic language use. You do tie the points to your goals quite effectively.
What I really appreciate in this letter is the description of your banking work experience and how that has informed your communication skills. I'm glad that you can bring that understanding to our module.
As for language use, here are a couple issues for your close consideration:
1) overuse of capitalization (i.e., words and phrases like Telematics, Network System and Security and Data Processor)
2) ...it does not bother me from obtaining... >>> (odd meaning) ?
3) verb tense inconsistency:
I was working as a Data Processor in a bank and my job is to collect data from various department and record down to the system. There are certain times when I need to engage phone calls with my colleagues to gather information.
4) I always want to make the essay sounds interesting ... >>> (verb form error)
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Brad
Dear Mr Brad
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your precious time to read my blog. I understand that you have a busy schedule and I really appreciate you doing this for our class. I have taken note of the pointers you have addressed. I will try my best to integrate what you have pointed out into your next assignment.
Cheers
Pui Leng
Hi Pui Leng,
ReplyDeleteInteresting introduction of yourself. As someone with an engineering background, I do not really feel your pain. However, I believe that with hard work and passion you can achieve excellence.
For your writing, I believe you need to work on your sentence structure. Overall, I feel that your introduction is slightly long and not to the point. Maybe you could work on organising your points before writing it down.
Warm regards
Terence
Dear Terence,
DeleteI agreed that I'm poor in my sentence structure writing. I will take note of your kind feedback and thank you once again for reading my blog !
Cheers,
Pui Leng